Shel Silverstein - Magical Eraser

 

 

The first poem I ever read! I loved it then, and I still do now.

Reading Journal _ "The Dead"

“All the living and the dead” were “in for a night.” The Misses Morkan’s annual dance was a fully accompanied one, with everybody who knew them coming. Along with the food and the well-decorated house, the party was quite elegant and grand. However, what should have been a lively gathering seemed to be rather dead.

The Old Square Piano

The guests were old, with Julia and Kate, the hosts, being no exception. The piano, a somewhat central entertainer of the party, was an old square one, too. Mr. Browne who loves to flirt with the women smiled in his wrinkles, and people compared spring beds with coffins at the dining table, a usually jolly place. Mary Jane’s Academy piece had no melody; young men left, and Gabriel mentioned the generation “waning” and its “lack” of hostility in his speech. The Lass of Aughrim was sung in hoarseness, and its words expressing grief gave off a depressing air. Spirit, liveliness, and pleasure were nowhere to be found.

Though it is unusual that the annual dance, as it is a dance party, was static, on one hand it allowed Gabriel to think, to ponder. Gabriel’s random thoughts are expressed through his stream of consciousness, in which James Joyce conveys his ideas about the nature of thought. According to Joyce, every thought tends to be personal, with each consciousness always changing and sensibly continuous. This is why Gabriel’s emotions and perceptions seem to flow, with no break in between to separate one from another, eventually building up to form a sense of Gabriel as one entity. That his thoughts sometimes do not appear to be coherent clearly depicts life as an ongoing process where sometimes, nothing happens. As Sigmund Freud mentioned in his analysis of the human psyche, the unconscious may be a barrier to recognizing the truth, due to the appearance of once repressed thoughts on the surface. This illuminates Gabriel’s epiphany, or the sudden realizing that “one by one, [people] were all becoming shades.”

Everything goes on in Gabriel’s mind and also in an unattended moment, both characteristics of the “Joycean Epiphany.” This sudden spiritual manifestation, showing a phase of mind itself, does not occur when one wants it to, but when it is most unexpected. One would think that Gabriel would encounter his enlightening moment while giving a speech or perhaps while perusing through his thoughts when Mary Jane plays the music, but no, he does so when he looks outside the window and sees the snow, imagining a young boy with gorgeous eyes shivering beneath the tree. Focusing on the “whatness,” the “Joycean Epiphany” refers to the way a person perceives things. In “The Dead,” Gretta’s confession of her past yet still memorable love startles Gabriel, causing him to overthrow his original attitude towards the world and start focusing on the genuine meaning rather than the outer looks. Before the shift, the word “eyes” appears twenty-eight times, highlighting how important appearance is to Gabriel, but afterwards, actual expressions of emotions can be noticed.

“Therefore, I will not linger on the past,” states Gabriel, quite firmly in his speech at dinner. His dislike for clinging onto the past can be seen even in his slightest acts, such as him vigorously scraping his feet and trying to get rid of the snow, which symbolizes the past and the oppression deriving from it, on his goloshes. Gabriel seems rather strict about his feelings, and he apparently controls his own thoughts, filtering them by the standard of whether or not it is relevant to the present. This value, however, is shattered by Gretta’s story of her relationship with Michael Fuery, whom she thinks to have died for her. Although he was the one who had emphasized the need for people to forget about the past, he changes; he is jealous and angry when Gretta could not stop talking about how sweet a boy Michael Fuery was, and “generous tears fill[ed] Gabriel’s eyes” when he discovered the passionate love between Gretta and Michael. He starts yearning for the liveliness of romance that he had never had.

No longer is Gabriel obsessed with his belief that one must live in the present and the present only. He recognizes that the past and the present coexist, and that actually, as in the time of his epiphany, the dead may be more alive than the living.

“He is dead,” says Gretta.

Is he really?

*   *   *

Traditionally, an epiphany is defined to be a flash of recognition in which someone or something is seen in a new light, oftentimes conveying a divine touch. To me, though, an epiphany is when you suddenly “get it,” when everything falls into place, enabling you to realize something that you had no clue of beforehand. It could be as simple as Ella’s sudden realization that she could “unspell” herself from obeying everyone’s orders in the movie of “Ella Enchanted.”

I used to believe in the black-and-white theory to some extent, just assuming that if there was a good, there was a bad. Over the past few years, though, as I saw friends overcome conflicts with one another and more especially as I worked in the judicial council, I came to realize that there was no such thing as a right answer. There can never be a strict line drawn in between two opposite things, although there are exceptions in cases like gender. Tomatoes, for instance, are concerned in ongoing debates endlessly arguing whether they are vegetables or fruits. Similarly, I had an epiphany when I came to know that the same situation can be seen in various perspectives, each view having its own reasoning or story. You know what they say: Every side has its own story.

Reading Journal _ "Araby" (Final)

From a distance, James Joyce’s “Araby” might appear to be a tender yet unsuccessful account of a young boy’s first love. His unconscious declaring of “If I go, I will bring you something.” portrays him as a Prince Charming willing to do anything to win his Cinderella. After all, when the nameless narrator suggests that Mangan’s sister is surrounded by light, he deifies her as an angel. To the young boy, going to “Araby” is the last gate he must pass in order to claim his love. However, on the other hand, the journey might as well be the narrator’s attempt to prove that the world of his dreams exists. He perceives “Araby” as the direct opposite of the blind and drab neighborhood he lives in, being the one chance he can count on to substantiate the existence of the ideal life that he dreams of, perhaps the life that was possible when the priest was alive, genuinely preaching sermons from books that are now “curled and damp,” and when the now “rusty bicycle-pump” was properly functioning. Therefore, it is perhaps more accurate to assume that “Araby” is not a romantic destination for potential lovebirds, but rather a dull and bland domain built for commercial purposes like any other marketplace. Here, the innocent young narrator, who had quite a hard time obtaining enough money to go to “Araby,” develops a new insight into the world. That it is indeed not a place where pure love and faith can exist struck the boy hard; the “innumerable follies” that had tortured him and the fantasies of Mangan’s sister aroused by her “white curved neck” and her “hand on the railing” that he had to endure were all for nothing. In this sense, “Araby” awakens the boy to the reality of people “counting money on a salver” and choosing to flirt rather than to genuinely love, which is not what he had expected at all. The descending images – closed stalls, the greater part of the hall that was dark, fall of coins – signal the boy gradually realizing the brutal truth: the “white” and “twinkling” love that he had so enthusiastically sought after was no more than an ideal fantasy that his imagination had created, only to be turned off as easy as a switch, once the hall became “completely dark.”

Reading Journal _ "Araby"

From a distance, James Joyce’s “Araby” might appear to be a tender yet unsuccessful account of a young boy’s first love. His utter blurting of “If I go, I will bring you something.” portrays him as a Prince Charming willing to do anything to win his Cinderella. After all, when the nameless narrator suggests that Mangan’s sister is surrounded by light, he deifies her as an angel. To the young boy, going to “Araby” is the last gate he must pass in order to conquer his love. However, on the other hand, the journey might as well be the narrator’s attempt to prove that the world of his dreams exists. He perceives “Araby” as the direct opposite of the blind and drab neighborhood he lives in, being the one chance he can count on to substantiate the existence of the ideal life that he dreams of, perhaps the life that was possible when the priest was alive, genuinely preaching sermons from books that are now “curled and damp,” and the now “rusty bicycle-pump” was properly functioning. Therefore, it is perhaps more accurate to assume that “Araby” is not a romantic destination for potential lovebirds, but rather a dull and bland domain built for commercial purposes like any other marketplace. Here, the innocent young narrator, who had quite a hard time obtaining enough money to go to “Araby,” develops a new insight into the world. That it is indeed not a place where pure love and faith can exist struck the boy hard; the “innumerable follies” that had tortured him and the gossip of Mrs. Mercer that he had to endure were all for nothing. In this sense, “Araby” awakens the boy to the reality of people “counting money on a salver” and choosing flirting over selling, when they could be pursuing true values such as love. The descending images – closed stalls, the greater part of the hall that was dark, fall of coins – signal the boy gradually realizing the brutal truth: the “white” and “twinkling” love that he had so enthusiastically sought after was no more than an ideal fantasy that his imagination had created, only to be turned off as easy as a switch, once the hall became “completely dark.”

Reading Journal _ "The Lady with the Dog"

Part I. “Permissible Love”

What Dmitri and Anna had and have… Is it ADULTERY or TRUE LOVE?

Dmitri and Anna started as partners of “a swift, fleeting love affair” but ended as secret, long-distance lovers. How did the young lady with a beret and a white Pomeranian dog become a couple with the man who interacts with “the lower race” only to feel prepared and superior?

Well, their love life was pretty fast-moving. Was it because they were in the particular city of Yalta? Maybe the romance never would have taken place if they had met in another city. A vacation spot full of immoral and supposedly “coincidental” occurrences, Yalta naturally reminded Dmitri of “tales of easy conquests … a romance with an unknown woman, whose name he did not know.” Ha. Perhaps “the lady with the dog” just happened to walk by at the moment. It is understandable, though, to an extent. The narrator describes the scenery of Yalta to be consisted of “a golden streak from the moon,” water that is “of a soft warm lilac hue,” and chirruping grasshoppers. No wonder the two go on a drive, take a walk, and kiss; the atmosphere is the absolute opposite of Moscow, where every single day is a “frosty day” with white snow all over the place.

Dmitri first conceives of his affair with Anna as no more than a fling that simply happened to be a bit more pleasant than the preceding unfaithful commitments, but soon notices that he was wrong. Once he returns to Moscow after Anna leaves to take care of her husband, Dmitri cannot stop thinking of her and admits that she “followed him about everywhere like a shadow and haunted him.” Never having felt this way before, he is dumbstruck for quite a while, but he soon travels to S in search of Anna, and finally meets her in the theater at the production of “The Geisha.”

Dmitri Dmitritch Gurov was once an arrogant and haughty man who knew no one but himself. People did not believe that he could change, not even his wife; however, TRUE LOVE managed to turn him into the genuine “man,” one who is responsible and trustworthy. The development of Dmitri’s attitude toward women, or at least Anna, is clearly illustrated through the noticeable difference in responses to Anna’s actions. He actually cares.

The interesting point, though, is that the wife of Dmitri and the husband of Anna never appeared on stage to present a view. If it was to prevent distraction from the realistic depiction of the affair, it definitely worked. Their absence enables readers to stand in the shoes of Dmitri and Anna and consider if their love is adultery or precious love.

As always, though, Chekhov leaves it up to the readers to arrive at their own conclusions. So, does love need to be approved by others in order to qualify as the “love” we know? Can one be granted permission to love?

Part II. Personal Thoughts

WHY name the story “The Lady with the Dog?”

Throughout the whole story, the exact phrase of “the lady with the dog” is mentioned three times, once in each section. As scarcely as the expression is used in the place of Anna Sergeyevna, it signals the major shifts of Dmitri’s change in attitude towards Anna, maybe even women as a whole.

The first time Dmitri calls Anna “the lady with the dog,” he shows curiosity only because he “had begun to take an interest in new arrivals”; he was bored. Also, it gives off a sense of indifference towards the newcomer, as if the person was absolutely of no importance to the Dmitri. However, the second time he uses the phrase, he clearly conveys the idea that she is different from his earlier immoral partners, as he realizes that their affair would not “end soon” and is in the right place for them to take their relationship to further stages. As time passes, though, Dmitri comes to acknowledge the fact that he is in love, and that Anna is not just any “fleeting affair.” She may happen to be the only real love of his life, the once-in-a-lifetime woman that a man would be lucky enough to meet.

WHY use the 3^rd person (omniscient) as the narrator?

Frankly speaking, I still do not really understand the somewhat twisted mindset of Dmitri Dmitritch Gurov. I wonder if I would have known him better if the story had been written in the 1^st person, where Dmitri might have been more accessible. Having usually responded to love stories with either fondness or envy, I could not do the same with Chekhov’s “The Lady with the Dog,” as the objective view made it impossible for me to sympathize with the man at all.

Being a story of realism, though, I understand why Chekhov refrained from using the 1^st person narrator. The story depicts an ordinary man and an ordinary woman having an affair, using straightforward details rather than rhetorical devices that are sometimes nothing but confusing. Chekhov’s enlisting of the happenings between Anna and Dmitri without mentioning their innermost emotions casts concentration on the events only, allowing readers to arrive at a conclusion of the question whether love should be permissible in an unbiased state.

30 Things About ME

1. My Name: Gyuyoun Park

奎 (star) + 妍 (bright) = “bright star”: My grandfather gave me this name, and he always tells me that I am destined to become an inspirational person who enlightens others and shines. I think my name also implies my personal duty to pursue my dreams and set an example for my cousins, who are all younger than me. I hope I am living up to this title!

2. Dragon

This is a rather simple entry; I look like one. Or, at least my friends say so. I really hated this nickname at first, but as I got used to it, I thought of its characteristics and surprisingly found some similarities. A dragon is confident, directly expresses emotions, and is loud. As a dragon, I “spit fire.” I am talkative, and I do not hesitate to tell the truth, or clearly state my opinion. I stick to what I believe is right. A dragon is one nice nickname.

3. Moving

I have no particular hometown. My family moved a lot, usually due to my father’s job. I was born in Busan, where both of my parents grew up, but lived in Tskuba, Japan until I was one. I went to preschool in Gumi but attended elementary school (until 3^rd grade) in Dallas, Texas. Coming back to Korea at age 11, I spent the 4^th grade in Cheonan, and moved once more to Seoul in the 5^th grade, which is where I stayed until I came to KMLA. The frequent moves, though, is not entirely on my father’s job; in part, there is a reason that both my mother and I continuously crave for new environments. In just one year, I will move again, but for the first time alone.

4. Road Trip

When I was growing up in the United States, my parents and I regularly went on road trips. My father was not good at driving at the time, so it was usually my mother at the wheel. We traveled to various places: Colorado, Louisiana, Florida, Alabama, and even Virginia. I was so young at the time, simply excited at the thought of sightseeing and singing along to Britney Spears’s “You Drive Me Crazy” non-stop in the car, that I never noticed my mother’s fatigue, not once. I feel sorry these days, having begged for road trips even when she was obviously reluctant to go on them. I am definitely going to make it up to her later on, once I graduate university and become economically able to take her on the best trips ever. My father, too!

5. Airplane

Swoosh! I just LOVE the feeling, the sound, and even the numbness of my ears when the airplane takes off. The expectations and delight that derive from the mere fact that I am going to another part of the world excites me. Airplanes have always taken me to fabulous places, such as Guam in 2011, and both coasts of the United States during the vision trip in 2012. Maybe I should marry a pilot! Free rides whenever I want…? Tempting.

6. Forehead

I have a big, wide forehead. It is twice the size of others’, and I am constantly reminded of this fact whenever I take a picture with my friends. When people take a look at my face for the first time, they all notice my large forehead. It used to be a complex, but now I am rather proud of it; adults say that it signifies my goodness.

7. Long Hair

I have a strict rule about my hair length: NEVER above my shoulders. I have a “trauma” about short hair; the haircut I got when I was 8 years old was simply horrifying. It was the hair style of young girls in the 60’s, cut right below the ears. I was literally the twin of “Mong-shil,” as in the picture. I did not look good in that hair, as if I was wearing a wig not my size.

8. “Energizer”

My friends describe me as an “energizer.” They say I have a pretty good reputation of being able to cheer up others no matter how bad they feel. They say I am bright, positive, and that I easily make others smile with weird jokes and funny stories. It is definitely nice to know that I am a person they can depend on to make them forget their worries, at least for a while.

9. Mock Trial

Mock trial is the activity in which I devote all my passion and efforts. Mock trial is meaningful to me not only because it is one of the reasons that gave me the dream as a lawyer, but also because it relieves my stress, taking my mind off of hardships in school life .As a witness, I savor every moment of portraying a character, answering cross-examinations, and coming up with successful team-lines. The vast range of mock trial cases always entertains me, never making me bored. Hopefully, the next time I participate in mock trial, I will be able to stand in court as a lawyer, with a fantastic opening/closing speech in hand.

10. Music

When I asked my friends what first comes to their mind when they think of me, one of the most popular answers were “singing” or “full of great recommendations of music.” I agree. I enjoy listening to music, and I cannot really remember a day in which I never listened to a song. Musicals and operas are a major interest of mine, and personally, my next goal is to watch “Wicked” on Broadway (hopefully with Idina Menzel in the cast). "Glee” is another show I continue watching, not because of the story but rather for the mash-ups and performances. These days, “K-Pop Star 2” entertains me.

11. Lizzie McGuire Show

When I first moved to the States, the Lizzie McGuire Show helped me overcome language barriers as quickly as possible. I only knew my ABCs, and although I was in the ESL program, I knew that it would take too much time to increase my English abilities with only that. Watching TV shows on the Disney Channel was my solution, which turned out to be of genuine avail.

12. Stuffed Dolls

On my bed now, there are three stuffed dolls: a lion from Joyce, a banana from Soyeon and Minjung, and a heart-angel from a middle school friend. I have a thing for stuffed dolls, ones that are fluffy and big, not skinny ones that are made of plastic, like Barbie dolls. I still have a whole collection of various dolls in my room back at home, and I plan to keep the clean enough to give them to my future children.

13. Literature

Literature classes taught me a lot over the last two years, and they are some of my favorite classes. The variety of books I read in those courses helped me develop a new insight and view objects or events in a different view as well. I still dislike poetry, though. I enjoy reading novels and plays, but not poetry. I just do not understand what message the poet or the narrator intends to convey in his or her short lines supposedly hiding the point underneath, but I am working on it. I hope to continue literary studies in college. :)

14. Language

Korean, English, Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish… Frankly, I only remember a few words of Japanese and Chinese, but I do speak a little more of Spanish. I have always loved learning new languages, because I felt like I was obtaining a good reason to visit the countries of those tongues later on. That the different alphabet system for each language fascinated me is no lie either.

15. Baking

Baking is my mother’s talent as well as her hobby, and it is something I am dying to learn from her as soon as I graduate high school. She is also a great cook; my particular taste is probably because of her so excellent food.

16. “Half Full”: Optimism

To the question of “Half full or half empty?” my answer is “half full.” I am optimistic, always trying to look on the bright side of things, regardless of how brutal the situations are. Sometimes I wonder if I am too positive. I am realistic, but I soothe my worries by focusing on the good that can come from each situation.

17. Disney World

Disney World lured me into coming back to Korea. The four-day ticket, a free pass to all four lands (Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, MGM Studios) of Orlando’s Disney World, brought me a magical experience. The speed of the roller coasters, the Disney princesses and characters walking around in full costumes, and the greasy yet luscious popcorn that is available only in Disney World was, I guess, worth the move back to Korea.

18. Ocean

Nothing can win the ocean, not even Disney World. The horizon that is set far from my viewing point, the sea gulls flying peacefully, the rocks on one side of the coast, and the sun gazing down from the sky… All of these things build up and produce the outstanding scenery that at once pacifies one’s trepidation. I am glad I was born in Busan, where oceans are nearby.

19. People

I dread being alone. This feeling may be due to my being an only child; I have always envied people who had siblings, especially ones who had an older brother. I am going to make sure that my kid has a sibling! I prefer being in a noisy, crowded area to being in a quiet place where even the sound of wind can be heard. I cannot imagine living without interaction; as can be noticed from my characteristics, talking is what keeps me going.

20. Art

I am not an artist, and I am not that talented in drawing or designing. Still, I do have a knack for choosing colors that match, skills in need when redecorating workplaces or houses. My aunt, who I am very close to, is an arts professor; visiting her exhibitions and actually seeing her work in her own studio, I always felt the need to have a place to pour my thoughts, dreams, and even imagination into. I am thinking of joining an art club when I go to college. In the process, I may discover my potential or talents; who knows?

21. Gelato

A kind of ice cream that I absolutely adore! Originally from Italy, gelato has a rich, tasty flavor that often fools people into thinking that it has much more fat than the ice cream we usually eat. However, contrary to the common belief, gelato has only 5% of fat, whereas ice cream has a minimum of 10% fat. Also, according to “Alon’s Bakery,” gelato can have its chewy trait (which makes it even more appealing) because “gelato is churned at a slower speed than ice cream, making it denser because not as much air is whipped into the mixture.” I ♥ GELATO!

22. Shopping

What I like about shopping is not the buying products itself, but rather the window-shopping and the conversations with the people I go shopping with. It is fun, and the atmosphere that only a shopping center can give off is truly attractive. And… this may be irrelevant, but when I go shopping for groceries or home supplies, I favor the neat organization of products in Target, but not the stacked-up piles of wrapped products in Walmart or Costco.

23. Daydreaming

I do not know why, but I am awfully good at daydreaming, and do it quite often whenever I am bored and have nothing else to do. It gives me a nice feeling, and after daydreaming for a while, I usually have better concentration.

24. Camera

A memory I now have due to
massive amounts of photo-taking!

Why is a camera important? Pictures or photos are the only things that last. This is what I learned over time. When I was young, I did not really understand why my dad took so many pictures of practically every moment wherever we went, but now, looking through those albums from time to time, even my sixth sense recognizes the need to do so. Photos are of genuine value, and they are capable of calling upon vivid memories of each sacred moment of the past. You do not have to be a professional… capturing scenes to remember later on and smile is what matters.

25. Jaguars

The Jackson Jaguars: gold and black. The Jackson Jaguars, a soccer team at my elementary school, was what taught me about the concept of a “team,” cooperation, and team work. I still have the uniform in my room, and although I cannot wear it now, it reminds me of the lessons I learned. Gold and black are two of my three favorite colors, the other one being cobalt blue.

26. LOVE ?

Unlike most teenagers my age, I have not met my first love yet. Maybe I had one long ago, and I just did not recognize it… but judging from the stories my friends tell me, I am pretty sure that I have not had one yet. Once, I even tried to have a crush on someone. My friend managed to convince me that if I chose a particular person and developed "interest" in him, my heart would flutter, or something of the sort. But... it did not work out at all. According to a credible source, though, I will meet “the guy” when I am 24; I am counting on that, I guess. Well, five years to go! :)

27. Journal

I jot down the feelings or events of the day, trivial or not, and I doodle. I do whatever I want in it, since it is my own book, something that even my mother cannot see. When I look through these journals, maybe ten years later, I think the entries will evoke a totally new set of emotions that I do not have right now.

28. Spontaneity

I certainly know the importance of planning ahead, so I keep a schedule and usually stick to it. But sometimes, I just need a “time out” to do what I feel like doing at the moment.

29. Law

The Department of Justice, the 14^th Judicial Council, and mock trial… I have a rather declared interest in law, and my high school activities clearly portray it. I dream of becoming an international lawyer, an exceptional person who is talented and recognized in her field. Hard work is the only key to get there, so keep up the good job, me!

30. KMLA

Korean Minjok Leadership Academy is a place that gave me the various chances to turn my life around almost 180 degrees. I do not regret coming here, and I surely did learn a lot during my time at KMLA until now. I had a friend issue, I had an identity crisis, I had some difficulties finding my own path… Yes, it was hard. But if it I had not come to KMLA, I would have learned those lessons more painfully in the real society, where it is even more difficult to make up for mistakes. So, THANK YOU KMLA.

All Because of a Seat in the Front Row

When making a crucial decision, one usually considers all possible circumstances beforehand to avoid regretting the choice in the future. However, when I was in the 2nd grade of elementary school, I made a life-changing decision based on a seat in the front row and a four day ticket to Disney World.

I had been living in Dallas, Texas for about 3 years when my father received a job offer from a company in Korea. Weighing both the advantages and disadvantages of accepting the invitation, my father concluded that he should go. He then asked my mother and me if we wanted to stay or go back to Korea with him. My mother said that she would respect my choice, and handed over the burden of deciding whether my family would live together or apart to me.

What first came to mind were my friends and family living in Korea. It had been three years, and I missed them. It just seemed reasonable for me to go back. Besides, although I would definitely want to see the friends I practically grew up with, spending my first years of school with them, my neighborhood, the gymnasium I had so much fun in, and even the sidewalks where I did cartwheels, I reckoned I could always come back.

Furthermore, the timing was somewhat right; I was having a fight with one of my best friends when my father told me about this choice I was allowed to make. My friend and I were having a conflict concerning the roles we received in the school play, that year’s theme being the animals of jungle. The students in the 2nd grade were divided into four groups: elephants, giraffes, monkeys, and hyenas. For each group of animals, three students were assigned a line, an answer to the question of the “Kings of the Jungle.” My friend and I were chosen to be the speakers of the monkey clan, and the situation was as the following: when the Lion King asked “Would you like these bananas?” my friend, as Monkey 1, would say “Yes. We love bananas!” and I would continue her reply by exclaiming, “But when it comes to playing video games, bananas don’t matter!” My friend, obviously, was upset at the fact that my line was twice as long as hers and she simply could not understand why the music teacher did so. I did not know how to relieve her anger, and I did not know what exactly I had done wrong… I just could not figure out how to deal with the confusing situation. So I thought that moving back to Korea might be a solution, referring to the Disney shows I had watched, such as “Lizzie McGuire” and “That’s So Raven,” where all of the grudges the characters held against each other seemed to dissolve into thin air when one left for another school, town, or country. I figured that in this case as well, if I announced my decision to return to Korea, my friend would stop being frustrated and we could reconcile, promising each other to keep in touch.

The key factors in my decision, though, were the almost once-in-a-lifetime presents that I would be able to receive if I chose to leave America: four-day tickets to Disney World in Orlando, Florida, and the seats in the very front row of the airplane. Actually, it was a present for both my parents and I, but I was the only one who was really excited about the advantages, given that I had always dreamt of going to all four lands of Disney World. The offer was even more appealing when my mother informed me of the services exclusive to the First Class customers on an airplane, and that the seats were so expensive that I might not be able to take that seat again before long if not then. Listing down the pros and cons of leaving America for Korea, the pros suddenly outnumbered the cons. The rarity and specialty of the two benefits I would be gaining for deciding to return to Korea were the two substantial factors that lured me into clearing up my answer for the question, a yes. Yes, as in I would like to go back to Korea and also stay together as a family.

If I were to be asked the same question now, I probably would have contemplated about the outcomes of each choice for days, but back then, I was a 9 year-old. I was naïve, far from thoughtful, and well, a child. I did not realize the fact that I would be unable to come back to America and see my friends, just like I was not able to do so with my friends and family in Korea during the three years I spent abroad. I could not process backwards, and plus, I often think, nowadays, that my mother implicitly talked me into answering yes, and my father’s determination to go back influenced me; I guess it is just amusing how I based the foundations for my reasoning on airplane seats and Disney World tickets, considering that my one-worded answer would turn, and did turn, my life 180 degrees upside down. I mean, who would I be if I had chosen to stay in America in 2003? What would be my interests? What would my plans for the future be? For what I know now, though, I am who I am right now due to my choice to return to Korea, finalizing the dilemma by accepting the temptation of a seat in the front row.